The Dancing Pony pickup line of the week is….

A gentleman who is rather well-known in the local area as a painter and sculptor of western art stopped by the Dancing Pony to give us a gift. He’s a friend of mine and we’ve known each other a long time. He’s shy and reclusive, and has been divorced for quite some time because his ex-wife didn’t believe he’d amount to anything. That was a stupid move on her part because I think it’s just a matter of time before he’s world renowned in art circles.

A few weeks back, his horse got out and wandered over to the ranch. To thank us for helping him get the animal back to his place safely, he brought us a painting of an old cowboy sitting on a stool, whittling. The subject matter is simple, but the details and the way he used light to set the mood makes the observer feel as though they’re looking at the real thing. I proudly hung it behind the bar right after he gave it to us.

While he sat at the bar talking to us, a lady was admiring the painting and asked the bartender where we got it. He pointed out our friend to her.

“There’s the man himself. His name is Bart and he’s a local artist.”

The lady walked up to him and introduced herself. “Hi, I’m DeAnne. I was told that you created the painting on the wall there. Do you by chance have a gallery I could visit?”

Bart gazed at her speechlessly and then turned red. Not because he knew her but because she was very pretty, and he’s very shy. He stuttered out a reply, “Uh, n-no ma’am. I just work from home. I-I m-mostly work by commission.”

“Well, I’d love to see more of your work if you wouldn’t mind.

I happen to have some connections in the art world. Do you have any pictures of your work with you? And please, call me DeAnne. That’s what my friends call me.”

It was obvious his tongue was tied so I interrupted. “I happen to have a few pictures on my phone of Bart’s best works.” I pulled up the photos on my smartphone handed it to her. Bart turned red again and spent a lot of time looking down at his boots while DeAnne silently thumbed through the pictures, so I said, “Bart is one of the most talented men I know but very humble about what he creates. Those pictures don’t really do his art justice but if you ask anyone around here, they’ll tell you how beautiful his works are.”

After she was done looking through the pictures, she gazed up at Bart and said,

“Do you have any idea how talented you are?”

Bart said, “Th-th-that’s very nice of you to say, ma’am. I-I figured these folks say things like that because they’re my friends. It’s nice to hear it from someone I just met.”

DeAnne paused for a moment as if weighing her words and then said, “I must admit the main reason I came over here was because of the painting, but…” She blushed and then it was her turn to stutter.

“I-I would love to get to know the man behind the art a little better. Would you care to have dinner with me sometime?”

Bart looked like he honestly didn’t know what to say. He looked over at me and I leaned in and whispered, “DeAnne seems sincere. You’re crazy if you don’t take her up on her offer.”

He nodded and smiled. “I’d love to have dinner. How about tomorrow night?”

Bart looked pleased when she accepted, and then pleasantly surprised when she mentioned she was here celebrating her birthday. Shortly after, a group of her friends arrived to celebrate with her, but I got the distinct impression she was being drawn back to him time and again. Finally her friends noticed and shooed her over to him and found plenty of cowboys who wanted to dance. Bart and DeAnne talked and danced the rest of the evening and parted ways at closing. Before he left, he came over to me and said, “Ethan, I’m not a good cook. What do I do about the date? I don’t want to run her off.”

“It’s already been taken care of. You have a reservation for 6:00 pm at Tessa’s.

All the employees pitched in and your evening is paid for. I’d suggest bringing flowers since it was her birthday tonight, but all you have to do is be yourself. Have fun, and I’ll see you soon.”

I’m sure we’ll get the details soon. I think DeAnne will appreciate him for who he is: A great guy who happens to be amazingly talented. I love my job.

©Heather Rainier 2018

~~~

PS: Happy Birthday, DeAnne! May you have many, many, MANY more.

Love, Heather

The Dancing Pony pickup line

this week is a blast from the past featuring some well-known characters in Divine…

Sometimes, despite our best efforts to sabotage ourselves—or our friends in this case—true love prevails.

I wonder sometimes who started the “I dare you to…” thing.

Maybe it was a caveman. The first guy to ever eat an egg—I can just picture it. Bunch of cavemen sitting around a fire when one says to the others, “Hey, I dare you to eat the next thing that comes out of that chickens butt.”

Can’t you just see him trying to convince his buddies? “It’s really good, you should try it.”

Anyway, a group of cowboys were sitting at the bar, talking about women and the “hunting prowess” of two particular cowboys in the group, Josh and Lucas.

They’re in their early thirties, 6 feet tall, both around two hundred lbs. Both are well built, because of their work in their family’s construction business, and they look like athletes.

They were being rather humble about their track records with the ladies and one of their buddies said, “Aw come on, you’ve got us all at a disadvantage. When either of you are here, none of us has a chance because the ladies are all lookin’ at the two of you.

I’ll bet you could say anything you wanted to a woman and she’d still go out with you.

Hell, if I looked like either of you, I’d be getting’ laid every night.”

Then another one spoke up and said,

“I bet you could walk up to any single woman in here and say, ‘Hey, want to fuck?’ and she’d walk out of here with you.

But we get to pick the girl.”

Josh didn’t look so jazzed about the idea, and neither did Lucas for that matter.

Because I’ve seen them in here on occasion, I had a pretty good idea of why.

They aren’t after “just any woman” these days.

Lucas asked, “Both of us on one woman?”

“Hey, this is Divine. It’s not like you’d shock her all that bad.”

Josh said, “Aw, come on now. We can’t do that to a lady. That’s not me, guys.

What if she’s really nice and we offend her because of this?”

Another buddy in the group put a nail in the coffin by saying,

“You chicken?”

That’s usually the last thing said before trouble starts, either that or “Hold my beer and watch this shit.”

So our heroes reluctantly took the challenge. The group of buddies waited and watched as various ladies walked in the front door and they argued about which one to let our heroes loose on.

After a while, three women walked in

together and sat at the other end of the bar from our cowboys, who were now eyeing the three of them speculatively. I said a brief payer when I recognized all three, thinking things were about to get critical. I even got the cordless phone out, ready to page Josh and Lucas for an “emergency” phone call from their dad if need be—if their buddies picked the wrong girl.

The blonde in the group, Violet, is a petite, voluptuous young woman.

She seems self-confident but what that group of buddies didn’t know was going to cause as lot of harm if they picked either of her two friends.

Down at the other end of the bar, the other two ladies, Cassie and Jessica, were bugging Violet about getting out more and having a good time and not being so uptight.

Cassie said, “You’ve got to have a life outside of work or you’re going to go crazy.”

“I’m just focused, that’s all. I can let loose when it’s warranted.”

“Prove it,” Jessica said disbelievingly.

Without looking around, Cassie said, “Loosen that business woman persona up a little and have some fun. Say yes to the first cowboy that walks up to you.”

Violet sipped her drink “Okay, if it will shut y’all up. But I’m not getting drunk.”

Her friend said, “Well, it’s a start girlfriend. You’ve got to unwind or you’re going to drive your employees to drinking, or quitting.”

Meanwhile over in the other group, the buddy who had thrown down the bet said,

“That’s her, right there. The curvy blonde.

None of us would have a chance with a woman like that, but I bet she falls at both your feet.”

Another man from the group called out, “We gotta put some money on this. Who’s in?” They all started talking at once and none of them seemed to notice the utterly relieved look that passed between Josh and Lucas. I put the phone back in its cradle and just waited for events to unfold.

As the betting continued, Josh and Lucas were half laughing and half-disgusted.

Josh said, “All right guys, but whatever happens, this is the first, last, and ONLY time we ever do this for y’all.”

They removed their cowboy hats and slowly walked over to the group of ladies. Cassie and Jessica were watching them walk up, and they were practically breaking ribs, they were elbowing each other so hard. Violet had her back to the room so didn’t know who was approaching.

Josh and Lucas sidled up on either side of Violet. Josh looked like he was bracing himself to get hit in the mouth and said

“Hey, Violet. Want to fuck?”

Violet, who had been sitting there appearing disinterested, looked up, smiled, and said,

“Both of you? Sure, why not.”

Josh’s jaw actually dropped as she grabbed both of their hands and tugged them toward the dance floor. All Lucas could do was blink.

Josh and Lucas’s buddies were whooping and hollering loud enough for the whole club to hear, and exchanging money as bets were won and lost.

As they neared the edge of the dance floor, one of our waitresses overheard as Violet noticed the uproar at the bar, then frowned and said,

“Waaaait. What did you just ask me?”

Josh’s face turned red as a barn door and he said, “I’m sorry, Violet, but our friends put us up to it. They bet we could say anything to a lady and get away with it. We’ll understand if you want to walk away…after you punch me in the mouth.”

She giggled and said, “You know what? I think we should kill two birds with one stone. Cassie and Jessica have been bugging me about getting out and having fun. Why don’t the three of us dance once, and then without a word leave together?

Maybe that’ll shut all of them up for a while.”

The brothers looked at each other and Lucas said, “If that’ll help you out, we’re game. Would you like to go get a cup of coffee somewhere? It’s kind of stuffy in here for me tonight anyway. Too much hot air.”

She nodded. “How about Rudy’s? We can talk there without having to yell over the music and noise.”

Josh said, “You got it.”

After the dance they didn’t even come back to their seats. They just bolted out the door, followed by some rather loud cowboy’s voices calling, “See? I told you they could do it! You owe me 20 bucks!”

Cassie and Jessica, on the other hand were giving each other “OMG” looks.

Then laughter ensued and Cassie said, “Her employees are gonna to be praising those cowboys on Monday morning.”

Ah, love. It is a many splendored thing. Or splintered.

LOL.

~~~

Now, with all that said,

if you’d like to read the rest of that story then pick up a copy of Lumberjack Weekend. I promise it’s one wild ride.

~~~

The Dancing Pony pickup line of the week is….

It amazes me what brings people together.

Sometimes it’s things that you’d think would repel instead of attract, but most of the time it’s the simple things that people have in common or find attractive that bring them together.

Two cowboys, Will and Rick, were sitting at the bar this weekend talking about sci-fi movies.

Rick said, “With Hollywood nowadays, you can’t tell real life from animation. Computer generated images make movies look so real. I watched one about robots that look and act exactly like humans. It’s scary to think about what would happen if they really could make robots with artificial intelligence.”

Will, who is the older of the two cowboys said, “Yeah, well, we already have more artificial intelligence than we know what to do with in Washington, DC.”

Two women who were sitting at a nearby table had evidently heard their conversation and burst into laughter at the cowboy’s response.

The lady with dark hair looked at the older cowboy and said, “You got that right, cowboy. Maybe the scientists should study the politicians to learn how to create it.”

Both cowboys laughed and the older one said, “Would you ladies mind if we joined you?”

The women both agreed, and the cowboys asked the bartender to bring another round for all of them as they moved over to their table.

The older cowboy introduced himself, and the dark haired lady said, “My name is Tracey, and this is my friend, Sandra.”

Will gently shook both their hands. “Do y’all live here or are you just passin’ through?”

Tracey smiled and replied with a straight face.

“We’re both Congresswomen from DC, down here on the campaign trail.”

Will’s face turned red and he looked tongue-tied until Tracey laughed and said, “Just kidding!

We’re both nurses at the hospital. What do you gentlemen do?”

Will laughed the hardest of all of them. “You got me with that one. I thought I was in trouble for a second. We work at a ranch west of here. It’s our weekend off so we came to town to relax, heard about this club, and we figured we’d check it out. I can see why it’s so popular. It draws the most beautiful women, all the way from DC even.”

They were still laughing when a fight broke out a few tables away,

involving another of Rick and Will’s coworkers, and the men rushed over to help out. Apparently the coworker had picked the wrong lady to flirt with. After the bouncers broke it all up and threw out the guilty parties, Will and Rick came back over and sat down with the ladies again.

Tracey looked at Will, who had evidently gotten hit with something in the ruckus and cut his forehead pretty bad, and said, “Oh my gosh, your bleeding. Let me look at that.”

Will shook his head and said, “Aw, it’s just a scratch.” He patted his forehead with a cocktail napkin but it soon became apparent that the wound did need attention.

Tracey asked the bartender for a first aid kit which, unfortunately, we keep several of in the back out of necessity.

The bartender gave her the kit and she returned to the table.

“I know you’re supposed to be a tough cowboy and all,

but I’m a nurse and I can’t just let you sit here bleeding. Now sit still and let me look at you.” After attending to his cut she said, “This needs stitches. You should go to the hospital.”

Several of us had noticed how much he’d seemed to enjoy her attention, and none of us were surprised when he smiled at her and replied,

“Tell you what…I’ll go to the hospital, but only if you do the stitching.”

She agreed and they left together.

When they returned a couple of hours later, Will had a patch on his forehead, a big smile on his face, and Tracey was on his arm. They danced together and stayed until closing.

Washington can’t do much right, but in a way it did bring two people together.

©Heather Rainier 2018

~~~

https://www.amazon.com/Heather-Rainier/e/B004RHL4JS

The Dancing Pony pickup line of the week is….

I am of the belief that certain people meet by “divine” appointment.

I understand that we as humans can ignore—or mess up—our own destiny but I think there’s a right person out there for everybody.

It all started late Saturday afternoon as severe storms were blowing through the area.
A couple of the bartenders and I were standing under the awning outside the Dancing Pony entry, watching the lightning. The thunder was so loud even the DJ, who had his headphones on while he was setting up, heard it and came out to see.

A couple of cowboys arrived in a big Silverado and walked to the covered entry. Cowboys don’t run to get out of the rain. It’s a fact of life, and what cowboy hats and slickers are for. They paused with us to observe the light show while talking about the younger one’s love life, or lack thereof.

While we were all watching the lightning streaking across the sky,

the older cowboy said to the younger one, “Listen, just because you’ve made some mistakes in your life is no reason to think you won’t be able to meet a nice lady. You paid your debt, now get busy living your life. I’ll bet there’ll be plenty of ladies here tonight. You just need to have more confidence and don’t let the past hold you back.”

As all of this was being said, three ladies jumped out of an F-350 in the parking lot and took off running in the direction of the club. Two of them jumped up on the curb and made it safely under the awning, but a really loud crash of thunder sounded just as the third jumped up. Her boot hit the sidewalk, slipped forward, and she started to fall backward.

As if he were anticipating this event, the young cowboy reached out and caught the pretty cowgirl before she hit the concrete. Her arms landed around the cowboy’s neck as he set her on her feet and stood there staring at her.

He gazed at her like a calf looking at a new gate

and she laughed with relief and looked very grateful. Her eyebrows lifted as she looked into his eyes and she looked a little mesmerized herself.

The young cowboy moved his lips like he wanted to speak and finally his friend said, “Hey there, little lady, that was a close one.” Nudging the young cowboy in the ribs with his elbow, he said, “This is my lady-saving-friend, Ron.

He’s shy, but if you give him a minute he’ll probably say something.”

Still a little shaken, the young woman stuttered as she looked up at Ron. “W-Well sir, I-I thank you for saving me. The lightning scared me and I guess I missed my footing or something. You saved me pain and embarrassment and I’m thankful you were here.”

The young cowboy finally forced some words out and said, “G-Glad I could help, ma’am. I would’ve hated to see you get hurt.” As he said this his friend nudged him in the ribs again, as if to move him closer to her.

Seeming to understand his shyness, the young woman said,

“I admire the strong silent type. I hope you’ll save a dance for me tonight, cowboy.”

He took his hat off and nodded to her, and in a loud voice, his friend said, “Oh, he will, don’t you worry.”

One of the bartenders turned to Ron and said, “We have your favorite table set up for you and all your friends. It’s our top-shelf patron table, best seats in the house.”

Ron looked confused at first but his friend caught on and said, “I knew we could count on y’all. Ladies, would you care to join us?”

The ladies happily agreed and we all went inside. After the group was settled, I waved down a waitress, went over, and said, “This young lady will be your waitress this evening. Anything you need, she’ll take care of for you and the first round is on the house. I’ve already instructed the DJ to play any songs you request, Ron. Just let the waitress know what you want to hear. Y’all enjoy your evening.” Ron was still a little shy and confused by our generosity but he was catching on, and the ladies looked impressed.

As I left the table, the young cowgirl who had slipped earlier looked at her hero and said, “Would you mind if I requested the first song, Ron? That is, as long as you’ll dance with me?”

Looking a little more at ease, Ron said, “I’d like that. What song would you like to hear?”

“‘Give It All We Got Tonight’ by George Strait.”

I think that was the perfect song, because he never left her side the rest of the night.

He might’ve been a slow starter but he gave her all his attention from that point forward.

After the couple left together later that evening, the bartender who set all this up said, “You know, Boss, I think Grace’s match-making talents are rubbing off on us.”

I let out laughter I’d had to hold back earlier as I’d listened to this same bartender talk about having set aside the top-shelf club patron table for Ron when they’d first arrived. That was all nonsense.

All the seats in the Dancing Pony are the best seats in the house.

It’s the treatment our patrons receive that makes the difference.

©Heather Rainier 2018

~~~

The Latest Dancing Pony pickup line…

I call this one the alternate universe line, mostly because

I’ve rarely seen this pickup maneuver performed successfully, and it’s even rarer to see a woman employing it.

A couple of cowboys came into the Dancing Pony and sat at the bar during happy hour. The younger of the two seemed depressed and hell-bent on getting drunk. Whenever someone orders a boiler-maker (a draft beer with a shot of whiskey dropped into it) for their first drink, that’s usually a bad sign.

As the evening progressed,

the older cowboy didn’t seem to have much luck drawing him out of his depression. According to the bartender serving them, the young cowboy had just discovered that his parents, who he loved and admired very much, were getting divorced. He thought, as many of us do when we’re young, that his parents were the perfect couple. To find out they were human, with flaws of their own that they were unable to reconcile, had shaken his whole belief system. He was down on relationships in general, confused, and his older friend was doing his best to ease his mind.

Halfway through his boilermaker and unwilling to be cheered up, the young cowboy said,

“Man, what’s the point of falling in love if it doesn’t last?

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to settle down with someone now. I mean, if MY parents split up then there’s just no hope. Maybe I’ll join a monastery and be a monk.”

With a chuckle, the friend replied, “Yeah, right.

You wouldn’t last a week without beer and ESPN.

Just because your parent’s marriage failed doesn’t doom you to the same fate.”

Just then, a young woman who was sitting at a nearby table with a couple of friends, and had apparently overheard the conversation, walked over to the cowboy and smiled.

“Why don’t you put off that vow of purity for just a little while and dance with me, cowboy.”

The cowboy glanced at her and shook his head. “Thanks, pretty lady. No offense, but I’m just not in the mood to dance tonight.”

She just smiled and walked back to her seat. Looking like he wanted to slap the back of the young man’s head, the friend said, “What the hell is wrong with you? A pretty woman just asked you to dance. How many times does that happen to guys like us? And besides that,

It’s not the cowboy way to reject a lady like that.”

The young cowboy shrugged. “I just don’t want to deal with any relationship right now.”

His friend raised his eyes to the ceiling like he was praying for patience.

“She didn’t propose, dumbass. She just wanted to dance.”

A few songs later, the brave lady returned, laid a note on the bar in front of the young cowboy. As she went back to her seat, both cowboys read the note. “Changing one’s focus helps overcome depression, and

I have several focal points that might help.”

The young one leaned over to his friend and whispered, “You see? She probably tries this on every cowboy who comes in here.”

His friend’s eyes widened and then he DID slap the young cowboy on the back of the head, knocking his cowboy hat slightly askew. “Dumbass, you’ve been so busy feeling sorry for yourself that you haven’t noticed

She’s been asked to dance by half the cowboys in here and turned them all down.

I have no idea why, but she likes you and you seem intent on hurting her feelings. That ain’t like you. You’re supposed to be a big, strong cowboy aren’t you? I don’t think one dance will kill you. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Looking even more depressed, possibly for realizing he might’ve hurt the young woman’s feelings, the young cowboy just shook his head and ordered another boilermaker.

After a few minutes, the tenacious lady came back and laid her hand on his as he was about to lift the draft mug to his lips. Quietly, she said, “I can see you’re hurting. But I’m a glass-half-full kind of girl and I choose to focus on the positive.

One dance, and then I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you need.”

She squeezed his hand and then released it and walked away.

The cowboy’s friend said, “I’m gonna beat you like a stray dog if you don’t dance with her right now, dude.”

The young cowboy half-smiled and glanced over at where she stood near her table, chatting with her friends. “She is pretty persistent, isn’t she? I guess one dance couldn’t hurt.”

He walked over to her and waited until she looked up at him. He took off his cowboy hat and lowered his head as if in defeat. “I apologize for my attitude, ma’am. I’m in a bad way right now but I shouldn’t have rejected your offer. I think you’re beautiful, and I’d like to take you up on that offer to dan—”

He hadn’t even finished what he was saying before she took his hand

and led him to the dance floor as a slow, romantic song, Brad Paisley’s “Perfect Storm,” began to play. He still seemed a little uncertain but she smiled as she murmured something to him and then slid her arm up his back as she placed her hand in his. It was obvious the moment he gave in because he grinned and kissed the top of her head.

I didn’t hear any of the conversation from that point forward but they didn’t leave the dance floor for at least 5 songs.

To the bartender, the young cowboy’s friend said, “Thought I was gonna have to hurt him tonight. ‘Cause man, if her “focal points” don’t do it for him, he needs to see a doctor.”

His assessment was a little crass, and thankfully out of her hearing, but I had to agree with him. She was beautiful and that young cowboy was lucky that she persisted.

They spent the rest of the evening together and the young cowboy’s friend left him without a ride, probably on purpose,

But I don’t think he suffered much from it.

©Heather Rainier 2018

~~~